in my skin - inspired by "Luister".

Luister is a documentary about the lives of students of colour who attend Stellenbosch University

photo cred: http://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa/western-cape/calls-mount-for-stellenbosch-probe-1.1905519#.Vd2jfvmqpBc.

I had been in multiracial schools all my life. From grade 3 then standard one I had been taught in English and Afrikaans. My memories of primary school in the beautiful mountains of Heanestburg are ones filled with wonderful Alice in Wonderlandish happy days playing in the forest and reading books at the library. I remember hugs and Wednesday pudding at the hostel. It was a cocoon of happiness an environment that was not only geared at education but also love. We were taught about world peace and community. i spent some of my best years at that school. It is the foundation on which my character is built.

High school was a totally different story. I was in boarding school again after spending the final year of my primary schooling at an institution I did not feel comfortable in. at my request my parents found a school in the sleepy little town of Musina that had a great track record for me and my older brother. The first sign of trouble for me was the setup in the dorms. initially I had a roommate called Gay (we teased her about this name for years) we roomed together for less than a week then the white kids were sent to live upstairs while all the blacks kids stayed on the ground floor. In the dining hall the black kids sat with other black kids. At school all the "smart “black kids were put into one class all the smart white kids in another - I think you see where this is going.

Racism at my high school was at an institutional level. the school was divided in this way - there was the white kids who pretty much had an easy carefree life and could do as they pleased, then there was the black kids who were of some value to the school either they played sports really well or were smart or even wealthy these black kids were acceptable and generally welcome at the school these are the black kids who made prefect either at hostel or at school, then the was the ordinary black kids these were the lowest of the low and they had a hard time at the school. An environment was created that allowed for racist behaviour to be seen as playful and that if you couldn’t take it then they considered you a cry baby.

The experience made me realise that not all white people are racist but if they are put in an environment that says they are better than other races they tent to believe it. That when a white child is surrounded by other white children in this kid of environment they do what is expected so that they can fit in and unfortunately for black people that is to show the level of their hate for us. And they do this because they know that if they do not act in this way in front of their peers then they will be labelled "kaffir lovers “and they will then become social outcast.

In High School I learned to live in my skin, in an environment that was not ideal for me to do so. I learned wat it meant to be black in a small mining town where white people thought themselves superior and the black people did not challenge them. An opinionated teenager with a strong sense of self was plunged into a world that was foreign and harsh - I survived.

I survived my experience without turning into a racist. I survived and the scars of the experience have not blinded me or closed me off from interacting with people of different races. my experiences did not break me... I hope I can say the same for the white kids who went to school with me and felt they needed to be racist to fit in.